Monday, June 04, 2007

Mourning at Bass Lake

A place I don't live.
.


Oh the rending of garments. Oh the gnashing of teeth. Or in more modern parlance: Oh, the pissing. Oh the moaning. Property taxes at Bass Lake are brutal. However, I, blogger Knox Indiana, do not live at Bass Lake, I live in the city of Knox where my property taxes have declined steadily for years. So my complaint is with all the noise from the rending, gnashing, pissing and moaning.

We residents of crappy old Knox have watched the property values of nearby Bass Lake skyrocket. I can say (as can every other schmuck in Knox) that I could have, should have, would have, bought a nice property at the lake for $30,000 back in 1972, or whatever. But I didn’t. So now my homestead is worth $150,000, or whatever. And that crappy cottage at the lake is worth $600,000, or whatever. So, yah, I’m envious.

The psychology of envy is fascinating. Firstly, don’t confuse envy with jealousy: 2 different words, 2 different meanings. Lots of folks use the word incorrectly, thereby ruining the delicious badness of the concept of envy. Jealousy is the feeling you get when someone wants and threatens what you already have. Envy involves somehow hating somebody that has something that you somehow feel that you deserve for yourself. It is strictly a malicious, deliciously evil feeling. Oddly only near-equals or equals are envious. If you were an old incontinent gal in the nursing home, you would be envious of the fart that gets his nappy changed before yours. However you wouldn’t be envious of the Doctor’s new car. Only another Doctor, or more likely, a Lawyer neighbor, would be envious of the new car.

So, yah, I’m envious of those lucky stiffs out at Bass Lake with their million dollar homes. They used to be just like me. Now due to dumb luck they’re rich. So when they piss and moan about $8,000 property tax bills I put on my fake sympathy face and say, “Oh my. It must be tough being rich.”

Seriously folks, (don’t ever believe what somebody says when they preface it with “Honestly” or “Seriously”) this big property tax thing at Bass Lake is a real problem. Honestly, I think something ought to be done about it.

So here is my solution. If a Bass Lake property owner wishes to undo the horrible mistake they made of owning a house that quintupled in value damn near overnight and ended up with an unbearable property tax bill, I’ll trade houses with you. If you don’t want to do that, you can try a reverse mortgage. Or if you simply cannot afford to pay your taxes, no matter how hard you try; realize that you are a poor person trying to live amongst the rich and sell the place. The situation is what is called cognitive dissonance, or trying to have your cake and eat it too.

Honestly. I’m sorry about your big tax bill.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

HHHHAAAA!! This is HILARIOUS! I LOVE it!